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Strangers

bloodtears
We're getting so much visitors these days. Strangers. Men and women. People I've never seen before. Some are nice. Others not so. But they all invariably check us out, all six of us. From top to bottom and back to front. What do they want from us? Is mother going to sell us in slavery??

Darkness

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I love wandering through the forest at night. It's so silent. Even nature holds is breath. Night is a space where the soul can expand. I guess because there's nobody else around. The world seems so much bigger at night. How come loneliness feels so comforting?

Full of Christmas

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I am stuffed with the turkey that was stuffed with a pig and a cow. Now. I. cannot. move.

Incomplete

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I was helping Robin with a puzzle of hers. At first there was this desire to see the picture. So we frantically matched pieces here and there. But as the picture became clearer and clearer, my desire subdued. In fact, I felt like by continuing, we were beginning to destroy something beautiful. A finished puzzle is just a picture. Like millions of other pictures. But an unfinished puzzle has character. It tells a story. It shows what the makers of the puzzle were interested in and what they didn't care about. An unfinished puzzle is also aesthetically more interesting. Not just a rectangle. But a complex fractal-like shape that can be different every time. But is exactly how it is now. Of all the possible ways of being unfinished, this is how the puzzle is unfinished now. There's such a fragile beauty in that. I wonder if any of this applies to humans.

I was born too late

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Guess I can't fall in love with a 50 year old man...

Lazy Sunday

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It's Sunday. It's raining. I feel so lazy.

It's quiet in the city. The church bells are tolling. Causing the rain drops to fall. Little wet splashes of Holy Water against the window. Stifling me. What on earth would I rather do than stare at the drops on the glass? Nothing. Not that it feels good. It has just keeps me paralyzed.

May. 2nd, 2008

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I have black hair now.

Apr. 28th, 2008

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I slept so well tonight!
I dreamt I was in this dark but very warm forest. More like a hole through the forest: the roots of the trees were growing towards each other at the bottom and their branches were touching each other above my head. I wasn't really walking, I was floating. The deeper I got, the closer to the dark emptiness at the end, the cozier it became. I heard the sound of an engine getting louder and louder, like the purring of a giant cat. And then I fell asleep. I fell asleep in the dream.

Makes me wonder if I'm really awake writing this.
I still feel the vibration of the purring...

Happy happ hap ha!

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Why do grown-ups think young people should be happy and cheerful? And what are children (say, under 10s), always so damn happy about? I possess knowledge that they don't yet and that older people seem to have forgotten. With knowledge comes sadness. The sun is shining. Can you believe it?? But it's not the happy yellow sun that my kid sister always draws. It's an evil sharp and bright sun like I imagine would shine after global nuclear destruction.

If only there was somewhere to go. Then I could run away from it all.

I am here

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I started this journal today. I'm not sure if it will help. We'll see. It's cold.